Kelsey and Maggie’s Corner

(Source: Kelsey Chen (I))

(Source: Kelsey Chen (I))

What do you do if someone from a previous school suddenly texted you and you don’t remember who they are? – Jeremy

Hello there Jeremy,

Well, don’t you know that they’re someone from your old school?

If you don’t remember their name, we recommend that you just ask. Or if you want to take a long-winded route, you could guess common names until you pick the right one. You could try Ryan, Debby, Kyle, Barbara, etc.

If you can’t remember how you know them, maybe reliving your cringey elementary/middle school life will bring back those memories. We recommend reminiscing about possible neon-colored athletic wear phases, dabbing, bottle flipping, the Harlem shake and

If after all of this you STILL cannot place who this person is, perhaps they never really went to your old school at all. In this case, stay safe Jeremy; you might want to block that number.


Doors or wheels? – kermitTHEfrog

Hi-ho kermitTHEfrog,



How do I decide where to go for college? – Anon

Howdy Anon,

Congrats on all your acceptances. We think this problem is a pretty easy one to solve: try a good, old-fashioned, Rory Gilmore-style pros and cons list.

At the top of your list should obviously be a full comparison of dining plans. In our professional opinions, we think it is essential to know the menus of all the locations you are looking at. Omelet station? Pro. Long lines to get to said omelet station? Con. We think you’ll be able to narrow down your options very quickly.

Another important thing to consider is your school mascot. If the mascot happens to be your favorite animal, that’s obviously a win. If it’s one of those weird pilgrims that run around the football field… not so much.

Last, but certainly not least, you must consider your school’s merch. You’re going to be here for the next four years, and it would be a crime not to get a good sweatshirt out of it.

Of course, there are a few additional factors that might be handy to consider, like financial aid, location and available majors. Although your guidance counselor might disagree, we think the ones we‘ve discussed are far more important.


Greetings, omniscient Kelsey and Maggie,

Recently, there’s been a debate as to what color math is. I mean, OBVIOUSLY math is red, but some IMBECILES think that it’s blue, or even green or yellow. Can you believe that?? Unfortunately, the great lord Google can’t decide (seriously, look up “what color is math” and you’ll see) – so please, I beg of you, use your great sage powers to solve this predicament once and for all!


Cat Food

Meow’s it going, Cat Food,

The two of us have had a bit of a disagreement over this topic, so to avoid any further discourse, we have decided that math is white. Red is too aggressive a color to be used to represent any class. Choosing red would simply be a CAT-astrophe (see what we did there?). Blue is taken, green is for science and yellow is for history. With purple for Latin, math can only be represented by white.

We are having a little bit of a dispute, however, with the other Argo editors. You have caused a big argument. But, it is final. Math is white.

This is of course a touchy subject, so to be diplomatic, perhaps the only right answer is the color decided by your sixie year math teacher.