Seven classes a day, four minutes between classes and 23 minutes for lunch — Boston Latin School’s fast-paced schedule and academic rigor are often thought to be the most challenging aspects of the school. Navigating the complex social dynamics and finding one’s place among over 2,400 students, however, is often the most daunting task.
While some may have already developed friendships that carried into BLS, those who didn’t may find it intimidating to approach someone due to social anxiety stemming from the fear of being judged. It is easy to assume that friend groups made of people who differ from your identity or interests are completely different from your own which makes it scary to branch out to them. While it is true that each friend group is unique, there are common threads in all social circles. Understanding them is a crucial part in helping us branch out to new people and form a stronger school community.
Many of us who are new to BLS are overwhelmed by the hectic school environment, challenging workload, crazy schedule and confusing layout. But often it is these stressors that help us develop connections with others.
Adebola Adetoye (IV) recounts one such story: “It was 2:00 A.M. or 3:00 A.M. in the morning. Linh and I were basically talking about how tired we were and why we were up so late. That day, I asked Linh to bring me some coffee because she said I could bring you coffee. And we became [close] from then on.”
Involving oneself in various activities, whether they be clubs or sports, is another common way BLS students make friends. “I joined the track team sixie year,” Conor Smith (III) says, “And I made most of my friends that way.” Extracurriculars are great places to meet friends because they help alleviate the stress of school and allow one to meet new people with similar passions and build relationships from them.
No matter how friends are made, they become an extremely important part of thriving at school. They allow us to gain self-confidence, cope with stress, avoid unhealthy lifestyles and increase our sense of belonging.
It’s easy to recognize the benefits of friendships, but often a fear of being judged scares students away from taking the risks necessary to meet new people. While it is tempting to adopt an inauthentic persona in order to make oneself “friend-able” to others, that doesn’t lead to lasting friendships, as it becomes obvious that one is pretending to be someone they are not.
Phillips Exeter Academy student Jacquelin Lonian (IV) advises, “Just be yourself and don’t try to analyze the person and figure out what they’d want out of you […] If they don’t like that, then they’re not right for you.”
Friendships, however, are never perfect. It can be difficult to maintain them once there are problems like miscommunication, lack of understanding and doubts of loyalty. The key to maintaining a friendship is wwwputting in effort and communicating with your friends. Even then, friendships don’t last forever. They end for many reasons, including rumors, arguments and fights. These are some of the negative factors that bring friendships down. Lonian shares, “My friend group and I had our differences, and they decided to stop talking to me.”
The end of a friendship isn’t always a bad thing. People sometimes naturally grow out of their friend groups by realizing they share fewer common values and interests over time — and this is totally okay! Once there is a disconnection, it is out of your control, and you just have to let it go. It allows new people to enter your life who will help you through its next stages, such as high school. This ebb and flow is just the natural progression of friendships, and although it can hurt, it teaches students valuable lessons in how to socially adapt and remain level-headed during difficult times.
When looking at the vast sea of unfamiliar faces in the dining hall or auditorium, it is assuring to realize that everyone faces similar situations when it comes to navigating friendships. By recognizing our shared experiences, we can learn that most of us are just looking for kind, funny and trustworthy friends. Among the 2,400 of us at BLS, there are plenty of them.
