How do you know if breaking up with someone is the right thing to do if you are questioning your relationship? And if it is the right thing to do, how do you follow through with it? It is scary to disrupt your life in such a big way and maybe lose them after getting so accustomed to them and talking to them everyday.
Z: It honestly depends. Why are you questioning the relationship? I have also found that my friends tend to be quite smart when it comes to these decisions because they serve as outside opinions and they can really tell when I’m upset (even when I don’t want to admit it). If the relationship is unhealthy and you don’t feel valued, then breaking up is the right thing to do, hands down. You should never compromise your feelings because you feel like you’re being too sensitive, because these things pile up. On the contrary, sometimes people self-sabotage because a relationship feels too safe and the “spark” goes away, but keeping that spark alive is as easy as committing to the relationship and making a consistent effort. (This could look like scheduling bi-weekly dates or any other kind of bonding activity.)
I think that the right way to follow through with it is to sit down with your partner and have a genuine conversation. You should release people with care, especially if you care about them. But don’t forget that people who suck do not deserve your compassion in this way! I think you should evaluate the “why” you want to break up and treat the conversation appropriately.
And yes, it is scary. But these things are often necessary to keep your internal peace. And if it’s the right decision, then you will feel relief after the initial shock. And that relief is the best feeling ever.
How do I know if what I’m choosing for after graduation is the right choice?
Z: Like you don’t. None of us do (that is fully a lie, I am projecting)
Z: Does it feel right to you? Do YOU feel at peace with your decision? Take it for me, someone who wanted to study astrophysics for 3 years of high school (like boi what the heck) and is now majoring in film. Literally nothing is real. And a lot of people don’t even go into a field that is directly attached to their major. You have so much time to figure it out and as long as YOU (yes you, not ur mama or whatever) feel good about it, then run with it.
P: You don’t lowkey, and that’s the gag. It’s scary and unknown but there are so many different ways for your future to pan out. Let’s say you commit somewhere, it could suck, but you can transfer! The world is your canvas.
How do I get coworkers to be my friends outside of work?
Z&P: This response contains work horror stories that can offput one who is looking to work in the restaurant industry. Reader discretion is advised.
Z: Parker is much better at making friends so… take it away poopkins <3
P: I work at a restaurant, so a lot of our bonding is based on intense suffering. Every shift is lowkey something out of Tartarus, and the fact we all have to go through it together makes us really close. I carpool with my work friends, and so we sometimes hang out after work and debrief the (usually) hellish shift. But I feel like my experience at work is very different because there are some points where it is like The Bear, and we kind of feel like a family.
Z: The Bear?!?!?! Do you have a hot chef that screams at everyone about his knife being missing?
P: No, but one of the old managers threw a burger patty at the guy on the grill because he kept messing up the order. Another time, I was hosting, got yelled at by the same manager and then went out to the host stand just to get berated by a customer and I teared up and started crying in front of a line of 20 people at 7:30 P.M. on a Saturday in the middle of July. The people behind that customer apologized, and the same day, someone gave me 15 dollars for not quitting after seeing how bad work was. Regardless, I love the place and the family there (pay isn’t too bad either).
Z: I would like to say that my place of work is quite calm. I think this is a you problem. I don’t have a saga to share, but I get a lot of old men calling me a “pretty little lady” before they proceed to ask me my age. I usually get tipped tho. W.
P: HA!
Z: I just remembered that I’m legal though and now I have to lie about my age to get them off my back. Oh, the world we live in.
My boyfriend left me for his abusive ex but lied to me and said it was my fault. It’s been about a month and it’s my birthday and I’m having a hard time living this day to the fullest because I’m still really sad. I feel like I’m wasting the hours of my birthday because I’m not feeling the happiness a birthday should bring.
Z: First of all… what?! CRAZY EX ALERT! Or they have some serious stuff to work out. Second of all, yeah… birthdays suck. If it makes you feel better, I have an irrational fear of my birthday. But let’s not make this about me. At the end of the day, birthdays are literally just a day. Like nothing magical happens and you always feel the same, but you should use the fact that birthdays are supposed to be special to feel special, you know? Like it literally doesn’t matter. So treat stuff like it doesn’t matter for a day!
My plan is to keep him blocked for a couple months and then check in to see if he’s stopped majorly tweaking— I’m using an oven metaphor for this. I’m letting him bake in the oven (he won’t bake into a regular guy if I ‘keep the oven open’/keep talking to him and trying to fix things) and I’ll keep checking to see if he’s baked through yet. If he’s still raw, I let him bake longer. If he’s not going to bake, I’ll just let him burn.
Z: Burn? As in the song from Hamilton? :0 (sorry)
But if he’s all baked— that is, very apologetic for being a horrible [redacted], I’ll take him out of the oven, let him cook off, and then take a bite. Because I can’t eat him while he’s still hot from the oven. And if it turns out after he cools off that I can’t eat him, I’ll feed him to someone else.
Z: Feed him to WHO???
Anyway, that whole process is going to take years. How do I feel okay while I wait?
P: Years? What! In the most retrospective way this is one singular person. Per the information given, you guys aren’t in some sort of an arranged marriage and you have to stick with him, so I’m honestly taken aback you’re seeing a multi-year future with him, while you’re being hurt. As much as you want to save him or try and help him out of this situation, you need to put your health first. Using your oven analogy: you’re so preoccupied with this one loaf, that you have an entire pantry full of ingredients. Also, as a loaf-lover myself, sometimes the yeast is bad and the bread doesn’t rise. And you really want to just give it time because time heals everything, right? Just make a new loaf. Leaving the metaphor, you’re ignoring so much of the universe by pinholing on this one person. Like there is so much going on around you, sometimes you need to take a step back to realize it. Like yk Where’s Waldo? His ass is Waldo. But here’s the catch: it’s not Where’s Waldo, not even just Waldo, it’s just the beach and people are there. Remove the obsession and you will feel so much better.
Z: I do not have the energy to metaphor rn. This is like an AP Lit essay level though. You should talk to Ms. Moon!
But in all seriousness, I promise he is not worth it. I am willing to bet on that. No high school boi who is crazy is worth your time. Dare I say, he is the equivalent of a literal loaf of bread? Maybe try finding a hobby. I heard knitting is good for the soul! I think?
How do you accept that high school dating will not be the vibe?
P: First of all, it still can be. Don’t lose hope. Even if you’ve lost hope, find hope.
Z: Keep your head up and your fist in the air!
P&Z: #KEEPFIGHTINGSOLDIER
P: When I say find hope, I mean don’t give up hope, but still recognize that maybe the people you want to be in a relationship with are not within the parameters of 78 Avenue Louis Pasteur 02115. Branch out; there is more than one high school in Massachusetts.
Z: I’m gonna drop the humor now though and lock in: You accept it. Because a lot of people don’t date in high school and don’t want to. There is this really odd culture where people are supposed to be dating like they’re a married couple with years of dating experience, but it is up to YOU when you get that experience. It doesn’t have to be that young. Me at 15 is ten times different from me now at 18. Making those big decisions and being attached to a person is really mentally taxing, and if anything be happy that you get to focus on YOU! Have pride in your independence!
[H]ow to not self sabotage when talking to someone?
Z: First thing I will say is that if you feel like you can’t be yourself, then you shouldn’t be talking to this person.
P: Make sure they are a good person. Or else you end up sabotaging how people think of you, without you even knowing it, until you do, but even then, you don’t really get it.
What do u do when ur btwn two possible ppl?
Z: Pros and cons list, always.
P: Which one likes you more?
I develop an attachment/obsession w any one who gives me attention. and they’re always older than me. and when I say older I mean like [redacted]. What do I do?
Z: Oh honey…
*crickets*
Z: We are sitting here quite baffled. I’m gonna be so real. I’m sorry. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about that.
P: I’m sighing but there’s no word for that. Like my read is that maybe it’s because you’re seeking approval or some sort of validation from someone older because you lack a role model?
Z: Do you have a healthy relationship with your father?
