How to handle a relationship when we’re going to different colleges? Good ideas for hanging out with friends this summer before college starts? How to prevent existential crises about becoming an adult so quickly? – Anon

Yoohoo Anon,

For relationships, we’d say to cherish the summer that you have left with each other, but don’t forget that you’ll (hopefully) be back together for Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. Definitely don’t be discouraged that you won’t see your friends every day since there is Facetime, Candy Crush, iMessage games, TikTok, BeReal, and Candy Crush.

Senior year summer is gonna be such a blast. Our list of activities to do this summer include…

1. Competing to see who can put on the most layers of clothes (we recommend doing this on a cooler day).

2. Sticking as many spoons as possible onto your friend’s face.

3. Making a conga line, but instead of dancing, each person holds hair-cutting scissors and you give each other buzz cuts (a great team bonding experience).

4. Egg roulette (mix boiled and unboiled eggs, and go at it).

5. Attempting to break the world record for most green Jell-O eaten.

6. You could watch some Phineas and Ferb if you need even more inspiration, but we’re pretty sure we covered the essentials.

We could give you advice about avoiding an existential crisis, but honestly, we think you should just let it happen and move on. Have a crisis because yes, you are growing up, and no, you aren’t gonna end up like Peter Pan and never age. Just because you’re suddenly legal, however, doesn’t mean you have to act like you work a 9-5 accounting job. 

Good luck with everything next year, and we hope that our activities make your senior summer the best one yet!

How do I say goodbye to people I may never see again? – Anon

Great and simple question (our favorites!) Simply…

1. Walk up to the person you hope to say goodbye to.

2. Position yourself so you can make eye contact.

3. Upturn your lips and show some teeth.

4. Raise your arm with a bent elbow to about a 90-degree angle.

5. Sway your hand with an open palm left and right.

6. Open your mouth and form the words “goodbye.”

It really is as easy as ABC; just follow our 6 quick steps, and it’ll be over in no time. And if you make an effort, we promise you will see this person again, and perhaps you can follow these same steps to say “hello” the next time you see them. 🙂

Every time I think about the fact that I don’t get to see my friends every day next year I feel unbelievably nauseous and overwhelmingly sad. How do I deal with this? 

– emogirlxoxo

Aloha emogirlxoxo,

Realizing that everything is going to be different next year is, undoubtedly, extremely challenging. Even though it might not be face-to-face appearances like before, there are still so many different ways to keep in touch with old friends. 

Our first suggestion is to challenge each other as friends on Candy Crush. Not only can you send each other lives, but you will both get to experience the wonderful satisfaction of crushing some candy. We promise it’s only slightly addicting. 

Daily vlogs could also go a long way when you are far away from your friends. See a weird squirrel on campus that reminds you of your friend? Send a picture. I’m sure they would love to see the biodiversity of the world and real-life examples of natural selection. 

And honestly, the last method would be to see your friends every day next year. We’re not sure how you would get the money for a private investigator, but we do hear that they can be very secretive. Perhaps you could hire one to tail your friend and Facetime you while they do it. 

Hopefully, one of the above methods helps you deal with your sadness. As for nausea, we don’t really have a cure for that. Maybe pop a Tums?

How do I get the confidence to ask someone out, when I eventually meet someone in college/beyond? – Anon

Howdy Anon, 

This is a tricky question. We say you should fake it until you make it. Theoretically, you’re young, they’ll be young and it’s college. If they say no, it’ll put you in the same position you would be in if you didn’t ask. 

If faking does not work for you, we can offer some other advice. Firstly, you could get the key to confidence. We are pretty sure Home Depot has a key-making machine that even lets you pick out fun shapes and colors. They don’t close until 10 P.M. most nights, so you have plenty of time to go and have a key made. 

A puppet worked for Robbie in Victorious, so maybe a puppet could work for you too. But it could also backfire, as ventriloquy is pretty trippy. 

Anywho, we’re sure you have what it takes; just get that key, and you’ll be golden!