Surprise! Kelsey Chen (II) and Maggie Olson (II) are our two new advice columnists for the March Issue, and they are here to help with any monstrous problems that you have!

I’ve been talking to this guy for eight months, but he’s so smart, and I feel so dumb next to him. He is an excellent piano player, well-read and good at science. I’m thinking about marrying him, but how can I do that if sometimes I’m scared to talk to him? Even things that I’m good at, like music studies and philosophy, he is better. – Anonymous

Hey Anon,

Well, that is a serious dilemma. Marriage is a very big step, and it might take some talking to get there. But do not fret, as there are other options. You could take him to a movie, go bird-watching or even go scuba diving together, all of which require minimal discussion. 🙂

On a more helpful note, observe his habits and quirks but not in a stalker way~ Learn his likes and dislikes, and find a common ground. He likes bread? You like bread? Go on a bread baking adventure into the sunset, but don’t compare the loaves. To each loaf their own.

The issue is clearly that you feel intimidated, but don’t be! Eight months of talking means something! Instead of comparing yourself to him, understand that he may be riding the same emotional rollercoaster ride as you. But hey, maybe you’ll end up in the same cart! Own your accomplishments, you both have something to learn from each other! And if the whole marriage thing doesn’t work out, go onto plan B. You deserved better anyways.

And for real, they probably feel the same way about you. (Maybe not as strong as marriage but…) Romeo and Juliet happened in the span of two days, and look at that, you guys have already got eight months under your belts. Don’t be afraid to shoot your shot like Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games. May the odds be ever in your favor!

-Kelsey and Maggie

How do I resist the urge to just dm someone “do you want to go on a date,” skip the talking stage and become one of those couples on my TikTok fyp? -Anonymous

Hi TikTokerxoxo,

Who says you have to resist the urge? Go for it, YOLO! It’s clear that your teenage years are fleeting, so make those TikToks, speak your feelings and find your one true love <3.

There are a couple of safety concerns, however, assuming you still want to skip the talking stage. Do let your friends observe and do their stalking because you never know if this person could be an avid PeeWee baby collector.

Realize that the talking stage is vital to creating a long-lasting, trusting relationship, but also realize that there is more to a relationship than what you see on TikTok.

Our personal advice is to enjoy the talking stage and treat it as your own romantic comedy. At least the awkwardness of the talking stage will give you something to laugh about in the future.

If you really want to resist the urge, watch a Netflix documentary about the dangers of social media. That’ll get you off the grid in no time.

Good luck,

Kelsey and Maggie

Sometimes when I’m in class, I really have to take a poop, but I have to wait for class to end until I can poop. Do u have any advice on how I can either make my poop go away or poop during class?- Anonymous

Hi PP,

Pooping is definitely a big part of one’s life. In fact, the average homo sapiens spends 213 DAYS pooping in their lives. That being said, we advise you not to let anything hold you back from pooping the way or at the time you want to. When you gotta go, you gotta go, but don’t waste that precious 10-minute break between classes; it is gold.

If the urge overtakes you during class, however, DO NOT, we repeat, DO NOT bring the class with you while you let it pass. If all else fails and you are forced to hold it in, understand the risks. Holding in your poop could put you at risk for constipation, fecal incontinence and even other severe complications. Before making such a decision, please listen to your body and your soul.

Heed this warning,

Kelsey and Maggie

I feel like everyone is breathing down my neck about college apps, and I just don’t really want to tell people in case I’m disappointed in myself/I don’t wanna feel embarrassed for rejections? Any advice?? – Anonymous

Dear CC,

Fight back and breathe down THEIR necks for a change! But in all seriousness, we sympathize with you. The tension is palpable at mealtimes, you can’t escape fan mail drowning your inbox and every family gathering is like an interrogation.

Obviously, there are three outcomes to sharing your rejections:

1. They bake you a pity cake, which we see as a total win.
2. They wallow with you over a tub of chocolate ice cream and you bond over the experience while watching your favorite episode of Parks and Rec.
3. They understand that you tried your hardest and that the college admissions process is a complete lottery.

For real though, no matter what happens, know that you tried your best. You should feel proud for making it this far. You are not defined by your rejections, (or your acceptances, for that matter), and like the game of Life, you will have setbacks, but one letter could open an unexpected path.

We wish you the best. Whatever happens and wherever you end up, you will find the place that is the right fit for you, and that is truly all that one can ask for.

-Kelsey and Maggie

Hi Kelsey and Maggie, I’m a sixie with an older sibling who told me I would be able to make a lot of friends at BLS, but I’m having a lot of trouble doing that virtually… I’m also really nervous to talk up during Zoom club meetings since all the other people are much older and seem to be a lot more confident than me. I know I should talk more, but I never seem to find the right time to do so. Do you have any advice? – Anonymous

Hey Anon,

We understand that this column is usually used for comedic relief, but we felt the need to answer this question seriously.

We are sure that there are many sixies out there reading this right now that have the same concerns that you have. Virtual school is hard enough on its own, but throw in social life, and it becomes a million times harder, especially at a new school.

As for talking to upperclassmen, while we may be old, we’re not as intimidating as we look, and we love to hear from younger students such as yourself. Believe it or not, we were new to the school at one point too (we promise we’re not THAT old).

So, specific advice from some fossils?

First, get people’s numbers in your classes; you’ll thank yourself when you’re in dire need of help when you’re taking chemistry (or physics). Besides, a conversation that starts out with a question on the homework due date could result in a new friend!

Second, join clubs or sports that you are interested in (shoutout to the BLS crew team, which is NOT a cult) and introduce yourself to fellow sixies in those clubs. Also, remember, as you continue your time at BLS, you will make friends in many grades, so don’t let the older students scare you away!

Third, while you may have a dislike for breakout rooms, the positive is that it’s a mutual dislike. Use this shared hatred to start up a conversation with those in your breakout rooms. After all, some of the strongest friendships are made from mutual dislike in the most awkward situations. Being left unheard hurts, but the people who break the silence are some of the best you can meet.

Last but not least, the Arts & Entertainment section would be happy to have you, as would the rest of the Argo. Wishing you the best of luck and know that you have just gained two more friends. 🙂

-Kelsey and Maggie

Note: all advice also applies to Bsies. 🙂

Time management, as I’ve submitted this five days after the due date 😀 – Anonymous

Hola MP,

How ironic, as we are currently answering your special question less than 24 hours before our deadline. Therefore, we may not be the most qualified to advise you on scholarly ways. But, that doesn’t mean we won’t try!

Do you have TikTok? If yes, we think we’ve located the prime problem! Simple solution, stop the scrolling and get to rolling.

But if it’s not the screen that is controlling, perhaps some time for strolling is going to be consoling. A change of scenery could provide the motivation you need. If a walk isn’t enough, some stronger interventions may be necessary.

Alarms. LOTS of them. Preferably loud ones. The ones that can wake you from a century-long slumber. Personally, we recommend “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I, the 10 hour-long video on YouTube, only stopping once you’ve finished your work. The tunes will drive you mad with motivation.

Also, if it hasn’t hit you this late into the year, an agenda is an efficient tool to help you manage your day. Crossing out things you’ve done is satisfying. It really is, we promise.

Hope this helps! If it doesn’t, we probably won’t hear back for a while.

-Kelsey and Maggie

My friends are making new friends. i’m okay with that i really am. what i hate is how they barely talk to me anymore. i feel mean for feeling this. – Anonymous

Hey Mysterious Writer,

Friendships can come and go and it’s not anyone’s fault, but don’t blame yourself for feeling hurt; your feelings are valid. Furthermore, as Joseph, the bodyguard from The Princess Diaries once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

We know that it may be a downer, but sometimes people just grow apart with time. If you find that these friends are worth holding onto, however, it’s worth a shot to reach out to them. If they are truly your friends, they will listen and understand how you are feeling.

And don’t feel alone on this either, take the time and make some new friends of your own. You’ll quickly find that while changes in friendship circles can be challenging, they can also lead to new or stronger friendships.

If you ever need any more help on the situation know that our little corner is always open (monthly in new issues of the Argo).

Hang in there,

Kelsey and Maggie